You won’t believe how many people fall in love with their friends or start developing some feelings for them. Factors like you have known them for a long time, there’s a good amount of comfort, and you know they won’t bail on you; all of these work to make you think your friend is a suitable partner. But more often than not, it’s not true. Two people can have off-the-charts chemistry as friends, but the same two people might not be a good match romantically. Mostly, the comfort and familiarity of the friendship and person make people fall for their friend.
Friendship and romance, when mixed, often lead to a messy situation. Here we have listed the things you can do if you find yourself in such a situation:
(1) Take A Moment To Assess Your Feelings.
Evaluate your feelings. Take some time apart from the friend you have started to develop feelings for, and introspect. Do you think your feelings stem from the fact that this person has always been good to you? If you decide to get into a romantic relationship with your friend, will it be sustainable?
There are a myriad of such questions that you can ask yourself. Answer them honestly, and you will be aware whether you love this person or are you lonely and desperately looking to share your life with someone.
Another crucial aspect of this evaluation is to determine whether your friend feels the same about you. Surely we are not going to force anyone to have feelings for us. A happy and lasting relationship requires two people to be equally invested in it.
(2) Determine What Is At Stake.
It is easy to fall for your friend. It is more common than you can imagine. But once you voice your feelings to the same friend, will they reciprocate? Or are you going to ruin the friendship?
Even if everything works out, remember that this person will be more than your friend now. They’ll be your partner. The relationship dynamics will change, and they might not be the ideal partner you imagined them to be.
And if the relationship does not work out in the long run, it is hard going back to the beautiful friendship you once had. Consider every possible outcome and how much of it is worth it, and only then take a step towards confessing your feelings.
(3) Talk To Someone You Trust
Don’t know what to do? The best solution is to discuss the matter with a trusted friend. An outsider’s perspective can help you figure out the tricky situation. Ideally, a mutual friend’s viewpoint is something you should consider.
Ask them to gauge your behavior when you are around the friend you love. Let them tell you whether you act smitten or anything out of the ordinary. You can later factor them in and decide whether or not to act on these feelings.
Mutual friends can also give a fresh outlook on the person. Love can make us blind. And we often dismiss any red flags that are clearly visible to others.
Let’s say you evaluated every possible thing- the stakes, your feelings, your friend- everything, and you think that you and this lucky friend of yours will work well together. The next course of action is to admit your feelings to this friend.
Let them know how you feel about them and how much you value them as a person. Tell them their friendship means the world to you, and that’s why you want to talk to them. Notice how they react to the information. Don’t forget to ask if they feel the same way.
(5) Accept The Outcome
You have done your part. Now it’s your crush’s turn. Give them enough time and space to take in the recent development of things and decide what they want. Chances are you just dropped an unexpected bomb on them. You might not even hear from them for a while. Be prepared for all sorts of outcomes. Your feelings are not their responsibility.
It can go two ways- Your friend says they feel the same about you, or they see you as a very close friend but nothing more. You will either be over the moon or left feeling blue by the end of the conversation.
Whether or not the friendship survives, only time will tell.
(6) It’s Time To Move On
If the conversation did not go well, learn to move on. Of course, it is not so easy to rid yourself of feelings. But there is no need of pursuing the same person over and over again, hoping they’d change their mind.
Distance yourself from your friend for a while. Take your time to heal. It never developed into a relationship, but it still hurts just as much.
Eventually, you can try and get the friendship back on track. Whether that is possible or not, only time will tell.
Word of Advice
Our brain is known for doing dumb things almost every day. Falling for your friend is one of those. There is no point in trying to deny the feelings. Acknowledge them and figure out what to do with them.
Note: Image credit to unsplash.com