You have been in love with someone forever, and one fine day you break up. A break in a relationship can happen for a myriad of reasons. Even if two people are still in love, they can decide to call it off for several reasons, such as not seeing it work out well in the future. Whatever the reasons may be, the outcome is only one; it causes extreme heartache, and often, for people, it is tough to get over it and move on with their lives.
Most people narrate their breakup story as their world has turned upside down. Imagine being with one individual for a significant amount of time, understanding their nature, figuring out what they like and what they don’t, you can even figure out their tiny little gestures, and suddenly you realize all of these were in vain. Not only does the parting hurt, but the effort you put into building a relationship from scratch when that goes to waste hurts just as well.
There is the breakup, the moments leading up to it, the acceptance, and everything else is on one side, and then there is moving on with your life and starting afresh. When you are in a bubble that had you and your ex for so long, bursting it by yourself and coming out can be the trickiest part. In a long-term relationship, we often forget to love ourselves. But our after-breakup self demands a lot of love and pampering. That becomes tricky when you don’t know how to give it to yourself or be kind to yourself.
Many people have even expressed the inability to let themselves feel the grief and loss. And as much as we would love it, no rulebook tells you how to get over someone and move on with ease. It’s your journey, and you have to figure it out on your own. We have taken into account many people’s breakup journeys and come up with some common tips that will help you move on and embark on a new course.
#1 Do Not Contact Your Ex
Let’s start with the self-explanatory suggestions. For obvious reasons, talking to your ex after the breakup would be the worst idea in the world. Ending a relationship as such is a challenging ordeal, and then, if you decide to stay in touch with your ex, the process of moving on from them and the relationship would not only be delayed but also might be hampered.
Anyone who has the best intentions in heart for you would tell you to stop contacting your ex and focus on self-growth. Take time away from the complications of your previous relationship and put your mind to doing things that are better for your mental health.
I encourage people who have or are going through a breakup to make it a clean break. What does that mean? It means removing them from your social media handles, getting rid of any physical reminders, and even deleting their contact details. It might sound a bit extreme, but it is the only way to sever ties with the person. The reason for such severe measures is that you don’t want to get confused by mixed signals that they are likely to give because, at the end of the day, your ex is a human being and is probably as confused as you are. Also, another reason is removing them from sight so that you don’t end up your healing process or progress with theirs.
So, not having any contact with your ex after the breakup is the best way to go about it. You decided to part ways for a reason, so let it stay that way, at least for the time being. Looking at the person you once loved can cloud your judgment with emotions.
Also Read : 5 Tips For A Strong Relationship
#2 Let Yourself Feel The Grief And Loss
I have seen many people who would force themselves not to shed a tear. Whether it is because crying makes them feel weaker or because of some ego, I don’t know. What I do know is not letting yourself feel the way your heart wants to will only lead to unresolved issues and more baggage for the future.
Yes, of course, I understand that you can’t just spend your day crying about a person who left you high and dry, but it is not for your ex that you are feeling sad; it is essentially the loss of a relationship you nurtured and helped grow. People often don’t realize that a breakup is not just losing someone you loved so dearly; it is also seeing the thing you built with so much care fall to the ground.
My suggestion would be to allow yourself ten to fifteen minutes every day when you can feel everything you want. Whether it is pain, anger, guilt, or even the urge to go back to the same person who broke your heart. Let go of all inhibitions and experience it all. That is the only way to stop getting these waves of emotion that wash you over and not let you move on with your life to a newer and brighter future. And one fine day, even when you let yourself feel the pain, you won’t sense it. All you will have is relief and a sense of freedom.
One important thing to remember about this exercise is that you are not allowed to act on the things you feel. Just because you experienced pain and the urge to get back into your relationship does not mean you should go back to your ex.
#3 Find Yourself Outside Of Your Relationship
A long-term relationship or one, in general, tends to determine who we are. You’ll often find couples with shared goals and wishes, which is quite natural and healthy. But there is an extreme side of it where people forget to be individuals. While you are a “we” in a relationship, you are also two ”I”s.
When the relationship breaks, it takes with it all the dreams you had. It is devastating to realize that you won’t reach where you have always wanted to end up. But there’s a silver lining. You can finally reclaim your older self. The individuality that you lost over the years can now be regained. You don’t have to compromise your dreams for the person you love or negotiate them so that they can fit your partner’s plans. The worst thing than a breakup is to water down your dreams so that they are not an inconvenience to your partner. The bright side here is that it gives you the freedom to reimagine your life without any adjustments for anyone else.
Get busy with things that have always interested you, but you could never pursue them because your partner was not equally interested in them. Find your hobbies and re-discover your passions. Be your own person without the shadow of another dimming your light. It is paramount in life to realize that you are whole even without a relationship, and you don’t need anyone’s love to validate your worth.
#4 Pamper And Self Care
If you have been through a breakup, you will hear people say one thing over and over again; take time for yourself! You might find yourself wondering, at times, what it even means. If you are always with yourself, then what is the meaning of stating the obvious? The fact of the matter is that you rarely think of things that are beneficial to you. Before taking one decision, you will often stop to think about how that will affect your partner. And, at times, you have even stopped halfway because you didn’t believe certain activities to be supported by the person you love.
When you have spent a large chunk of your life with someone, and they leave suddenly, it is a considerable and often uncomfortable adjustment. The love they take with them only you can replace with the love and care you show yourself. It is the time to be extra sensitive and pamper yourself. The entire world should come second to your needs. It might look selfish, but self-care is anything but that. Only people who cannot afford to love themselves for varied reasons find it a selfish act.
My suggestion is to start journaling your thoughts in their raw and unfiltered form so you can assess them later once you have moved on. Pick up the hobbies you left once you got into the relationship. We tend to give up a lot of things to accommodate someone in our lives. Make some new hobbies. And, don’t let your days become all about introspections and asking why it had to end the way it did. There is no definitive answer to that ever. Structure your days well enough to make them productive. There’s nothing worse than an idle brain.
Catch up with the friends you did not have time for, do those things you gave up because your ex did not like them, and try out new things because god knows some of our exes were so stuck in their ways they would not leave room for any new possibilities.
What are the things you should never do after a breakup if you want to move on fast?
- Don’t beg to be taken back. You don’t need them in your life. You once lived a perfectly happy life without them, and you will get back there again.
- Revenge should not be in your scheme of things after a breakup.
- Don’t stay at home at all times.
- You are your own person, do not forget that.
- Don’t jump into another relationship immediately after a breakup.
Relationships will come and go, and why they did not work out is beyond our understanding. What is within your grasp is how you deal with a breakup and what proactive measures you take to get over it. We often don’t want to leave that bubble we built for so long, even if it becomes painful and toxic. But when it bursts, you have no other choice but to fall on your back and try to get up again.
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