Oh, that honeymoon phase with your new beau, you can’t think about anything but spending time with them. All you want to do is talk to them, hear their voice. Nothing beats that feeling. But, like all extraordinary things, it comes with a cost. Your new relationship can take a toll on your old friendships. I know it’s not fair. They still mean the world to you, but feelings are not enough. At times, you need to express them in words and actions. Such is the world.
We have all been there. Your best friend has a new boyfriend, and suddenly, you only hear from them once a week. Don’t get me wrong, you are very happy for her, but it feels wrong having been cast aside so unexpectedly. You have been on the receiving end of this treatment. You knew it was unintentional on your friend’s part. Now you have found a special someone. It’s been so great spending time with them, but you are afraid your friend will feel the same pang of being ignored as you did once. Am I on the right track? If I am, then you are at the right place looking for the perfect solutions.
Life is all about the balancing act. Indeed, finding the perfect balance between your significant other and your friends can be challenging, but it isn’t impossible. Both are equally important in life and to you. But navigating the early stages of your rose-colored love life can be all-consuming and keep you away from your BFFs. How do you prevent it from causing lasting damage to your friendships? Here are some tips that might help you with a smooth transition and handling each relationship without losing the balance of the other.
Number One: Make It Your Priority To Have 1 on 1 Time With Your Friend
What’s the one thing that is likely causing the whole problem? Time. Make a note of meeting your friend; no BAE should tag along on your day out with your BFF.
Yes, it is essential that your partner meets and gets along with your friend, but that can happen on its own time. It is equally important that you give your friend some alone time with you, like in the good old days. It helps remind them that nothing has changed. You can try and divide your time, for instance, three days a week for your significant other with no distractions, three days for your friend without your partner barging into your meetings and stealing your attention toward them, and a much-needed one day just for yourself. Don’t skip the last one.
Oh, one more thing; cut down on the relationship talks when you hang out with your friend. They are very happy for you, but it is kind of rude to constantly discuss your love life, especially when that’s the thing that lowkey threatens your friendship.
Number Two: Be Mindful
You are hanging out with your friend, and the love of your life wants to know what is up. Naturally, you want to text back or even call them to share every minute detail down to the popcorn kernel that almost broke your teeth during the movies. Reel in the impulse and focus on the day with your buddy.
Another thing, if your friend shares with you their recent romantic conquest, don’t take it as an invitation to start talking about yours without missing a beat. Listen. Your friend has listened to your love story probably a hundred times; now it’s your turn. Let them know you are equally interested in their life’s ordeals as they were in yours. And if things are not going so great for your friend, romantically, don’t rub your oh-so-perfect love story on their face. Being mindful of such minute things will help show your friend how much they mean to you.
Number Three: Don’t Force A Friendship Between Your BFF and Significant Other
Who doesn’t want their BFF and sweetheart to get along? It’s a dream come true. But do all dreams come true? You have tried making them hang out together, have silly banters, and in the process, become close friends. But that did not work out. It is okay. There is no point in forcing things that are not happening naturally. As long as they are cordial to one another and there is no unnecessary drama, it is quite alright if they are not best buddies.
Maybe your BFF and your partner are both funny people, and instantly you thought to yourself, “They will get along so well.” That idea is yours; it is not the ultimate truth. Sometimes even similar personalities don’t assure an instant connection. Instead of forcing them to like each other or hang out, make it clear that you won’t tolerate any bad blood between the two, both being equally special to you. Let them know it’s okay and there is no need for pretense. At the same time, none should feel it is alright to talk rubbish about the other to you. Use the exact words or be subtle; it’s up to you. Whatever gets the job done.
Number Four: Dial in The PDA
We all know that one couple who apparently can’t keep their hands off of each other. We get it; you are in love. We don’t need so much proof.
You don’t want to be that couple, do you? Scale back the PDA. It’s bad enough having to hear every tiny deets about all your firsts; your friend does not need to see it as well. They are all ears when you excitedly want to share how your stomach felt full of butterflies the first time you shared a kiss with your beau. Why? Because your friend loves you and is happy to see you happy. But that doesn’t mean your constant PDA does not gross them out.
You are in love, and public display of affection is absolutely alright. But when you are hanging out with your friend, it can be uncomfortable for them and also makes them feel ignored. We are trying to make the transition smooth here, remember? Too much of anything will stand in the way of smooth sailing toward finding the perfect balance.
Number Five: Have An Open Discussion About The Matter
Look, there is no point in denying it; your relationship can weaken your friendships, especially a new relationship. It is not intentional, and the fault lies on no one’s part, neither your friend nor you. You are trying to figure out and enjoy this new phase of your life. It is beautiful and terrifying at the same time. And time-consuming. Your friend’s starting to feel overlooked. You don’t hang out as much, you are always on call with your sweetheart, and there are several other changes in your attitude toward your friend.
It is important to remember that no one is at fault. Address the issue directly but do not use an accusatory tone. It should not be, “why are you getting me wrong?”; instead, phrase it as, “I understand that there have been some misunderstandings.” The tonality of the even discussion matters the most here. Your friend should not feel attacked for not understanding your position, and you should not, on any level, try to make them feel that they have been unsupportive or jealous of your relationship.
The goal is to convey that you understand their emotions and it is okay to feel that way. Then we proceed to clear out things and explain why you have been acting this way; importantly, assure your friend that it has got nothing to do with your love for them. It remains intact as the first day you met your BFF.
And here you thought only your partner needs pampering and reassurance.
The start of something new has forever threatened the pre-existing institutions; that is humanity’s ultimate truth. But in the case of the two most important relationships of your life, it is essential to fight tooth and nail against that very human nature. The main thing here is to realize that love is not so small as to start running if you happen to give it to more people than you did yesterday. Loving one does not mean you don’t love the other just as much. Once we understand this simple fact, life can be so liberating and free of these petty jealousies that have always pitched friendship against romantic relationships.
Note : Image credit to unsplash.com