If you try to find out one person who has not been rejected throughout their lifetime, directly or indirectly, by someone they liked, you will find almost no one. Yes, rejection sucks but such is life. It has, and it was, part and parcel of this dating game. I mean, even in the early 60s, 70s, and 80s century, you would find people subtly signaling their disinterest. I am sure rejection existed in the stone age as well. It might even have been a bit more aggressive than it is now. Anyways, the most crucial part of rejection is handling it like a boss, which we often, very colossally fail to do.
Who here hasn’t experienced the feelings of rejection? Whether it’s getting rejected in a job interview or maybe for a trivial part in your college annual-day drama, or you did not get invited to a party. And last but certainly not least, being rejected by someone you loved dearly. The feeling is not about how you are not going to be a part of that event or part of their life. It’s more about the why. You keep questioning yourself on this one thing, “why was I not enough for them?” And, that one gnawing feeling can end up toxifying your life. It feels like abandonment. Most people describe it as feeling so small and unwanted.
But trust me, it’s a momentary emotion. Right now, as someone has recently rejected your love proposal, you feel your entire life will remain so bleak. I’m guessing that’s why you are here today. But this too shall pass. It does, for everyone. But at the moment when everything feels so unbearable, there are some things you can do to make the experience a little less painful for the rejected and the rejecter.
#1 Do Not Demonize The Rejector.
It happens far too often than anyone would care to admit. When a person rejects you, the immediate response of people around you would be, “it’s their loss.” This phrase has more impact than you know. It can make you feel entitled to insult them because the world has told you they were wrong in rejecting your love. But how so? How do you know it’s their loss? Maybe the rejecter has a perfectly sane reason to do what they did.
The trick to handling rejection with grace is stepping into the other person’s shoes and understanding why they did not want you. It necessarily does not have to be anyone’s fault. Maybe they did not have the same feelings for you. Instead of it being anyone’s loss, it can be profitable for both of you. You don’t deserve to be with someone who cannot give you the world, and neither does the rejecter deserve that. Once you can grasp the other person’s perspective, a lot of pain and hurt will automatically fade away. Instead of taking it as a rejection, you will now think of it as a new opportunity.
#2 Do Not Hurl Insults
Sounds so obvious, but apparently, it is not. After being rejected, some people’s first instinct is to start bad-mouthing the person who caused them this pain. Of course, everyone does not stoop to that level, but there is a group of people, and you know who you are, who resort to name-calling once they don’t get the reaction or answer they wanted.
That kind of behavior does not reflect poorly on the person who broke your heart. It speaks volumes about who you are. You can’t be all lovey-dovey one moment, and the next, you are hurling insults at them just because they did not reciprocate your feelings. I understand the ache, but that does not give you the right to stoop to this level. You can’t keep switching your feelings on and off like that. It’s you who will come off as unreliable in the end.
So, get a hold of your emotions, take their “no, thanks” like a boss, and move on. Better people, one who is better for you, will come along the way. And all they said was no. They never said it’s your fault or your shortcomings that made them reject you.
#3 Accept It Gracefully
Do you think life stops after one rejection? There will be a series of turndowns that you will have to face, just like we all did. And, in the end, it will all contribute to a better life and a far better personality.
The easiest way to get over rejection is to accept it with grace. It even shocks the rejecter. That’s not exactly what we are aiming for, but that’s the cherry on top. Once you admit your feelings to someone, and they turn you down, it is bound to hurt. You will experience a myriad of emotions in the moment, and you are allowed to feel it all. Take your time to calm your mind and frame a mature and respectful response to that. We don’t know it, but it might be hurting them just as much to turn you down so brutally. Guilt can sometimes be worse than rejection. So show them the kindness you think you deserve.
#4 There’s No Point In Trying To Change Their Mind
It is better for both of you if you don’t attempt to change their decision. They rejected your love for a reason. I am sure it did not give them intense joy or anything in that line while turning you down. The best bet at coming out of rejection with your head held high is to accept their decision and not cross-question it the second you get the chance.
Asking them to reconsider their decision will not help your cause; instead, it will make you seem needy and someone who’s not ready to respect people’s boundaries. At the moment, trying to change their mind might seem like a good idea, but believe me, it isn’t. The text you have drafted to send them, begging them to reconsider, delete that. It’s a well-thought-out decision. Respect that.
I understand a lot is going on in your mind, and you want them to realize how much their rejection has hurt you. So, tell them. Calmly! But don’t do anything rash in haste. Try to remember that turning your proposal down is not their fault, and you are not entitled to take out your anger on them.
#5 Chuck The Blame-Game
It is natural to want to blame the rejecter, or yourself, for not being enough. But the truth is no one is to be blamed here. Usually, after rejection, the initial reaction is to want to know the reason behind it. But in experience, the basis is not always clear, or your rejecter won’t or can’t give you one. That’s where the entire blame game starts.
You start assuming. You will guess you were not enough, you are unlovable, unwanted, or somewhere along the way, you must have screwed up. It might not be all on you; society teaches us from the early years that when things don’t go the way we desired, it must be because of something we have failed to do. But it’s up to you now to discard those beliefs.
You are no longer a child under the influence of the age-old teachings of this society. You are a mature adult and fully capable of making an alternate hypothesis where you are not undermining yourself.
Why is it so necessary to deal with rejection and not bottle it up?
- Rejections that are not dealt with can lead to some false beliefs. The impact is more when you are younger. It hampers your self-worth and the concept of you. Hence, after any form of rejection, it is crucial to reason with it and learn the cause behind it.
- Rejections can lead to the building of emotional walls. It is only natural to want to shield yourself from the pain and, in a way, not let any emotions get through. What happens is you miss out on chances of falling in love, or you keep anticipating things to go south every time you let your guards down.
What we have learned from the entire experience is that it is essential to acknowledge the pain and heartbreak you feel after being turned down by someone you like. It is a loss, and grieving a loss is a part of moving forward. The shame and embarrassment should be chucked aside because it is not your fault.
People think relationships are tough, and so are breakups. But no one prepares you to get rejected. Or even worse, no one tells you how to deal with it once it has already happened.
Note : Image credit to unsplash.com