Have you seen some people who seem to be the life of the party? They surround themselves with people at all times and actually love interacting. Hell, they are not even afraid to shout and hail a cab; that is gutsy. We are not going to talk about these people today. These are extroverts. They have plenty of help when it comes to flirting and dating. We are here for the introverts. Forever found at the corner of some room, hanging out by themselves, looking thoroughly uncomfortable in any gathering. These are my people.
Why Do Most Introverts Feel They Need To Learn The Techniques Of Flirting?
Well, for innately extroverted people, flirting or talking to people, in general, comes more naturally than for an introvert. Social skills are not an introvert’s forte, and they need to make conscious efforts to master them.
For most people, flirting is very simple; express your feelings, but not too loudly and yet not too subtly. This simple trick sounds quite complicated to an introvert. How do you tell someone that you like them and also remember to be clear yet subtle? Aren’t those desires supposed to be personal? What if they don’t appreciate my confession of love and reject it? Maybe it’s safer to hide it in the deepest corner of my heart.
That is how an introvert naturally thinks. And hence, these thoughts need conditioning and redirection towards something more open and positive. That’s when learning how to flirt becomes not only necessary but also valuable for introverts. It can’t hurt to have a few tips and tricks up your sleeves. Rather than hiding all the feelings in the shadow of fear, learning to flirt can help express them and develop a lasting relationship.
While flirting is no easy feat, be it for extroverts or their more reserved counterpart, for introverts, it can be overwhelming to the point where they want to stop doing it altogether. Introverts are good at so many things, but people skills are not one of those. Being somewhat socially awkward can make flirting even trickier. But fret not; we are here with some solid plans that will make “putting yourself out there” slightly less daunting than it used to be.
No. One: Dear Introverts, Be Yourself.
Often we see our extrovert friends scoring dates after dates and can’t help but wonder about their secret to such immense success. Has it never crossed your mind that maybe mimicking their actions would fetch you the same result? But for people who have tried being like their “always out there” extroverted friend, they will tell you what a terrible decision it was to try being someone they are essentially not.
Being yourself while you venture into the challenging arena of flirting is the best thing anyone can do. Yes, it will be demanding, but if you succeed, it will be your achievement without the shadow of an extroverted friend whom you decided to copy.
As a fellow introvert, you must know the thing that introverts dread the most while flirting; okay, second-most, right after the interaction. It is the pretense of being someone they are not. The small talks, occasional polite laughs to make things less awkward and yet feel the most awkward you have in your entire life, the polished lies of, “nice to meet you.”
So ditch the longing to be liked at the first meeting, embrace your weirdly wired self, and flirt your heart away.
It is okay if there are some silences in between, but don’t force yourself to talk all the way, making things immensely uncomfortable in your effort to make a grand appearance. It is only natural for you to want to make a lasting impression, but that can be done through your quick wit or humor as well. It does not have to be an extrovert’s sharpest weapon, people skills, that an introvert has to wield to flirt their way into someone’s heart. Who knows, maybe your silly, nervous nature is what your date will find cute.
No. Two: Dear Introverts, Keep it Simple Yet Meaningful.
Several pieces of studies across the globe show that one meaningful flirting session can be much more yielding than many random ones. For introverts especially, if you apply sincere flirting, the chances of ending up in an exclusive relationship are much higher than its casual counterpart.
What is a sincere style of flirting?
Essentially it is where you talk about your true feelings in plain and simple words instead of making love sonnets and cheesy pickup lines regarding it. For instance, you are an introverted man in love with a woman and desperately want to express your feelings. In the sincere form of flirting, you start the conversation by telling her, “Hey, I have been meaning to tell you something. Can we meet up somewhere?”
Next step, you meet her in a cafe or restaurant, and instead of beating around the bush, tell her about your sincere feelings for her.
Don’t forget to mention the reasons for which you have these feelings; that is the part that makes the entire exchange a perfect mix of confession of love and flirting.
What are some other ways to flirt with depth and meaning?
- Ask meaningful questions; things that you actually want to know about the person of interest.
- Give compliments disguised as merely pointing out facts. It makes everything so much less awkward and so much more going with the flow.
- Give your date full and undivided attention.
- Show interest in everything they say and mean it.
- Express your true self and let them know your innate nature.
- Sharing some vulnerable parts of your life can be binding. It encourages your date to open up about themselves and feel less conscious and more at home.
None of these sound like flirting tips, do they? That’s because these are not conventional flirting techniques and happen to work much better than any tacky pickup line and brushing the hair off her face trick. It exudes sincerity and allows you to flaunt your introverted nature in a much more polished and refined manner. It shows that you don’t hide who you are and know how to carry it with panache.
Also Read : Top 10 Tips On How To Flirt With A Guy
No. Three: Dear Introverts, Chuck The Small Talks
You have seen your extroverted best friend making small talk at parties and have always admired the skill. You have almost felt jealous seeing how smoothly they do so.
Let’s face it; small talks are not your cup of tea; it almost feels alien to go through with it. The best course of action here is to chuck it to the side. What works for others does not have to work for you. Surely you can’t fake interest and make small talk to land yourself a date, but will that lead to a real relationship with a solid connection? No, right? You will eventually run out of patience, and the nervous ticks will start showing too clearly to stay focused. So, my point is, when you long for deep, meaningful conversations, why should you settle for shallow and insincere small talk?
Introverts might not be experts at a lot of things, but one-on-one and intense conversations are right up their alley. If you want a meaningful relationship, dive deep into meaningful conversations. You will never learn about your date’s vulnerabilities, their hopes for the future, their idea of a perfect relationship, and such minute details from any amount of small talk.
Four: Dear Introverts, Use Touch To Establish Connection
Wait, what? Touch? Did we not learn to avoid the touchy-feely type of flirting if we are looking for meaningful relationships?
Yes, we did, but not entirely. Physical intimacy is part of every relationship. Only its intensity differs with different stages of the relationship. What we want you to avoid is uncomfortable touchings and making unwanted advances. Using safe touches to build a more romantic connection is quite natural and widely accepted.
The trick is to understand when your date is indulging in it and when they are finding it rather uncomfortable. While we are not asking you to stand too close to your date at the beginning, moving closer with advancing time and growing emotional connection is also a trick of safe flirting.
Once you get accustomed to each other and feel the bond strengthening, you can slowly lean it and brush your arm with your date. Of course, read the room before you do so and go ahead with it only if you are feeling confident. The point is to come physically closer only when you feel emotionally closer through meaningful conversations.
Some safe touches that won’t get you punched in the face:
- Let your hand brush against your date’s while you are walking together. Be subtle.
- Lean in when you talk. Not in a creepy way, but rather seamlessly.
- Place a hand on their back while you guide them through the door or some other place.
No. Five: Dear Introverts, It’s Wise To Practice Calming Techniques
So, here’s the deal; introverts tend to feel overwhelmed regardless of how the date or flirting session is going. It is only practical to practice some calming techniques to prevent these overwhelming feelings to take over your right senses the next time you decide to flirt with someone.
Pay attention, introverts; this might save you a ton of embarrassing moments. Flirting with people is essentially talking to strangers, and it can get a tad bit overwhelming at times. What do you do in these moments? You can use calming techniques like detecting and naming objects in the room, counting backward in your mind, focusing on what people are wearing, and such. All of these work to calm your mind and leave no room for overbearing negativities in your head.
Flirting as an introvert is much different from flirting when you have a more outgoing nature. But different isn’t necessarily bad and does not have to stop you from realizing your dreams of finding true love.
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